Oh yes, I had dreams about being this great web and graphic designer… working in the sweetest of offices, with only the coolest and most exciting jobs to work on. What else? Oh yeah, I would be art directing in a matter of two years, maybe even running my own business, bathing in money. Hahahahahahaha. Wow. Could I be farther from that or what???
SELLOUT.
So the reality is this. I do have a side business which is my “own firm”, but it’s small as hell and I get really crappy jobs. In fact, let me just tell you that I am getting paid to design a binder cover for a rival engineering firm. Wow. Top clients amass! Watch out! I do so much work for money that I will never show in my portfolio. For only one reason really: the client wanted a design that I thought sucked. I have so many clients that just want to use me for my grunt skills. “Here, lay this out exactly like this and take this money and shut up.” OK. Well, it’s never that dramatic, but that is basically the setup.
Case in point, the binder cover. “We want you to design this cover”. That’s what I hear. This is what they really meant, “Layout this cover to be exactly like the last one but with these pictures here. And while you are at it, put tons of logos on it because we like that.” So I do it, and I feel like a sell out. First I give them a design I think is decent because I do have some semblance of pride in my work. But inevitably, I care too much about the little shit. I care too much about the stupid binder and end up doing exactly what they wanted from the get go. BUT… I did get paid. I wont’ ever have to show it in my portfolio and no one will ever know I did it… besides you, the internet people, but you don’t know what it looks like. 
Are most graphic designers just sellouts or is this the nature of our business? I think I am growing tired of it. Soulmate is just starting into web design and is very excited about the future. I, on the other hand, am burnt out. I think I have been so beaten into a state of “design doesn’t matter” that I’m really starting to tire of this job. I love to be creative and I love helping people, but not at the cost of good design. It will always be like this too.
The reality of my dream is finally apparent. Will I stay and keep at it? Who knows.
its a basic part of the industry. art for business and all, business tends to take the wheel. unless you can get your own firm, spotlight, or just have amazing talent, I think this is just something you have to work through and then work on your passions on the side. i am a designer and must do a lot of freelance side work, poetry, painting, etc. just to retain some sanity.